How full time employed mom got her morning routine she loves - Part I

Starting your day in a hurry is not the best way to start the day. It sets the tempo to the whole day. I am full time employed mom of two kids and preparing kids and myself in the morning on time was often stressful for me and I hated that. I wanted to change it for me and for kids and reading about the benefits of morning routine made me think, that this could be an answer. If I could just wake up a little earlier ... That was the challenge.

It is three weeks in to my morning routine now and I love it. I wake up every morning looking forward to this special time that is just mine.

I am calmer, more focused, positive and content now. I am better organized and manage to do more of what really matters to me. Morning routine just got a very huge new fan. 

How I did it? Three things were crucial for success:

1. Find a way that will work for you to start the day earlier

I made a little trick here, because I was not a morning person. This is why I was putting this off for very long time. I couldn't imagine myself waking up before 6:30 voluntarily. I thought for sure I will be a wrack the whole day if I do. This is why I planned this for a few months. Seriously. I was waiting for the day, when we move a clock one hour forward to winter time. With moving the clock one hour forward, I just had to keep waking up at the same hour as before and that was the trick that worked for me.

2. Get family on board

To make sure, that this hour is really mine, I have told my children and my husband how important it is to me to have some time for things I love. If children wake up before 7 am, which is rarely, we agreed, that they must dress themselves first (for smaller child I prepare everything in advance), wash their teeth and then they may watch cartoons. 

3. Adjust evening routine

For morning routine to work I had to change the evening routine too if I didn't want to exhaust myself. I know I need little less then 8 hours of sleep. This is how I am. Therefore I started going to bed earlier. Few days in to my new routine I spontaneously added meditation before going to sleep. These meditations impacted me in a way I didn't plan. I fall to sleep almost instantly after the meditation, I sleep better and I wake up without the alarm clock, completely by myself, fully rested around 5:20. It depends on a day and activities we have, but on average, this is 1 extra hour every morning that is MINE, mine alone and on average I sleep less then before but feel better.

Now, that I have all this extra time, what do I do with it you might ask? I wanted this time to be well spent, so I prepared myself a plan, so I do not have to think too much in the morning.

Next week I will share my morning routine with you. We will go dipper in how even full time employed moms can easily create morning routine they will love and will have no problem to stick to it.

What is a failure? Should we fear it?

I would like to share with you something that just happened to me. I really thought an opportunity I got a month ago is the first step toward sharing my passion and connecting with likeminded. I was sooo happy; finally I gathered courage to proactively reach out and made my first step toward my dream.

Do you know the saying: If it looks too good, it probably is ... Well in this case they were right. I felt pretty stupid opening my heart really wide, investing my time and energy. I started to question everything and the feeling I am stuck, together with apathy and depression came crawling back again.

After some dwelling on it for a while, feeling really disappointed, something in me said STOP. Yes, it happened, it was not fair, but if I learn something from it for the next time, it was not a failure. Learn the lesson and get it over with. Go forward.

I really like the quote from Thomas A. Edison that embodies this so well:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

And so did I. I just found the one way that won't work. I just need to try something else.

Realizing that failure is part of success and that all successful people failed at some point in their life took some drama from what happened to me. The difference that made these successful people successful was in their reaction to the failure. They took the failure as a lesson, not a failure, and just proceeded on pursuing their dream. They believed it can be done one way or another.

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” - Henry Ford

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” - Winston Churchill

I don't think any more I failed, because I gained something from this too. I shouldn't give up; I should not be afraid trying new directions. I should not be afraid of failing again.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” - Paulo Coelho

I must continue trying new paths, new ideas. I should keep reaching out to likeminded. Yes I might fail again but failing is just part of the journey.

If I don't do anything, I can expect nothing.

If you feel down as I did, know, it is all in a perspective you choose. What you believe will become the truth for you. Agree?

Struggling with doing nothing

Doing nothing should be easy. Right? You just stop for a while and let everything else disappear. Nothing is left but a feeling of serenity embracing you. But, is it really so easy? Are you struggling with it too?

Multitasking is a no

I admit, I am terrible with doing nothing. The never ending list of things I must do, should do or would like to do is constantly spinning in my head. I never feel I have done enough because there is always more I could do. Like when I am reading a goodnight story to my kids and I do it so automatically, I do not even know what I read, because I was thinking about something else that needs to be done that evening or next day at work ...

I do not like myself much for doing things like this, because I am not really present at that moment and I am not enjoying what really matters. My kids are growing up so fast. How many goodnight stories are left to be read to them before they will be too big for them and they will not wont to cuddle before saying goodnight?

Doing nothing is not a bad thing

Do you ever feel doing nothing is a bad thing? When I go for a walk through woods to have a time for myself I never let myself to stop and enjoy the moment. I am on a mission to walk. If I would stop for a second, I would be »afraid« somebody might see me doing nothing, so I continue fast. Isn't that stupid?

Schedule time to do nothing

I am actually on a few days’ vacation right now. This should be a time to pause, time to do nothing. The reality is, I have made myself a list of things I must do or should do, things I did not have enough time before this vacation and need to be done. Somewhere among the tasks that need to be done I completely forgot what the essence of vacation is. I need to stop, I need to plan the time for doing nothing the same way I plan everything else. And you know what? I need to set higher priority to that. If I am sincere, there are tasks on my list way less important or urgent, so they can wait and the world will not fall apart because of that.

Be prepared to take advantage of not planned opportunities to do nothing

I have done my domestic chores planned for the evening, there is still some time left before starting going to bed routine and kids are playing by themselves in the room. What now? I promise myself I will no longer quickly clean something I haven't planned; I will not aimlessly walk around the house or start pushing the kids to bed a little earlier. Next time this happens, I will go quickly to my room, shut the door, close my eyes for a minute or two, breathe away the stress and just practice the art of doing nothing.

If you share my struggle, I ask you now, to shut down the computer, the phone and your eyes and give yourself a gift of doing nothing right now. 

Do I dare to expose myself for something I believe in?

Writing down your thoughts can be really powerful. It helps slowing them down, structuring them; look at them from another perspective. It really is a waste of time turning around and around the same thoughts in your head again, again and again.

I am in situation right now, where I cannot decide what to do. My heart says do it, but my logical, rational, safe player’s head is definitely against it. Yes. No. Yes. No ... The dilemma is in my head throughout the day – it wakes me in the morning, accompanies me through the day, it keeps me awake at night. To stop this vicious circle I decided to start writing about it and see if this can take me to the decision. Just write...

I work for a company that was doing quite good despite the recession. There were ups and downs, some decisions I did not like over the years, but overall, it was ok. We are quite young collective, the positive energy and enthusiasm were our brand mark we were proud of. We were family oriented, tried to find the ways to help the community, nature.

We got a new CMO with ambitious goals to achieve two months ago and things started to change very fast. Suddenly we became numbers that need to produce numbers. Just do it, don't ask how. Family is not important, business 24/7, how people feel is not important. The numbers are everything.

People started to feel incompetent, scared and frustrated. In all this one man stood up and publicly expressed what we were all silently thinking about and started an action to establish trade union in our company. He connected with other independent unions. This was huge.

First reaction from majority was YES! That's it. We need to step together, the power is in masses. But then doubt and fear stroked. If I join, will they fire me? Not directly of course, but will they find something ... I have a family, a mortgage...

Do I dare to expose myself for something I believe it is the right thing to do?

I keep asking myself, how will I feel after all this is behind me one way or another knowing, I did duck, play safe, did not gather the courage to stand for one of my core beliefs:

Every human deserves to be treated respectfully and no power in the world should give a person the right to violate basic personal rights of another human being.

Our ancestors fought for these rights, why are we so scared to use them?

They say that life is not fair. Should this be an excuse for our own actions?

I hope not. It should be on us to help to make the world a better place. To make it fairer.

With all this said I feel I would be the biggest hypocrite, if I would not support this person in pursuit for fairness. But this realization does not make my decision any easier. They say select your battles carefully. Has this »battle« a chance to be won? Is this question even important?

What do you think? You are not directly involved; you are not emotional about it. I would be really, really happy to hear your thoughts on this matter in comments below.

It's not personal, it's business. Is it?

One of my colleagues got fired yesterday. He climbed the corporate ladder from the lowest position to the director level. He was competent.  He had a big picture. The best business advice I ever got was from him. The only »drawback« was his openness. He was the one that stood up and told the truth even when nobody else did. He cared. He wanted to have things done, the right way, the good way.  

We got a new CMO two months ago and he didn't like his openness, so he fired him. I am sure, it was not personal for him, but was that good for the business? This made me remember one of the biggest business lessons I got at the beginning of my career.

In my twenties I had a coworker that I really connected to. She was a little older then I, more experienced and we became good friends, or at least I thought so. When I was to cover for her during her longer vacation, I took over bigger task that arrived two days before her departure. I thought if I will have to take it over the next day anyway, why not do it right now and not burden colleague with it just before leaving.  I couldn't be more wrong. She felt I was trying to take over her position and she has hardly spoken to me afterwards.  I was shocked, tried to correct this, although I never understood, what was so wrong I did. It was not personal, it is business she said.

I have never forgot this lesson and I have lived personal life completely separated from my business life. But guess what, that was not ok as well.

By trying so hard not to make business personal, I did something else too. I didn't really deeply care about it. I did not allow myself to. It was just a job. A paycheck. I made it sure that passion would not be part of this equation.  Subconsciously I believed that if I would enjoy the business that would be wrong. And all these years I was surprised, I was never really happy at my job and I couldn't progress from the position I had. I was always doing a good job, but that was it. I was stuck and unhappy. Only now I can see that. People felt there was something missing. It was my passion, possibility to inspire others.

This was huge realization for me. It actually hit me while I was writing this post. 

It is not enough to do job well to be really successful in it. If I want to be more than just a good mediocre, I have to put me in it. It needs to fire up my passions. It needs to fulfill me.  

It needs to be personal. 

It is actually quite funny, that I set down decided to write a post about my colleague who got fired for being passionate about his job and I ended up demystifying one of my core beliefs. I am just beginning to understand now, how powerful writing down your thoughts can be. I challenge you to try it and see what happens.

Will it be as good as I dreamed it will be?

THE QUSTION that I tried not to ask myself every few minutes since last Saturday – will it be as good as I hoped. Will I be thrilled or disappointed? What if I lose a dream I was dreaming for a long time. The dream that one day I will realize. One day...

What if this »one day« actually comes and it turns out not to be as perfect as you dreamed, hoped for?

What if this was the only thing you thought could be THE ONE? What if everyone in your life that ever doubted in your dream were right? Would that mean I was dreaming the wrong dream or the opportunity was really not the right one? Should I look for a new dream or should I look at this as an obstacle on my way to success and be even more determinate? Crazy, I know ... 

When I contacted the lady that will be organizing creative workshops for kids in our town and she invited me to join her it was a huge thing for me. I wrote about it in previous post. I know this is not a rocket science, but this was something I wanted to do for so long but found so many excuses not to do it: timing is not right, how can I do it alone, kids are too small, I don't have enough time, I am not capable enough ... Sounds familiar?

I got my first opportunity!

Ok, small, but never the less, the opportunity. Is this my “one day”? The day the life of my dream is dependent on? 

Yesterday was the first day of workshops. Not many kids came, but the ones that decided to join were really passionate about it and we had a really great time. I think, I was probably enjoying it even more then the kids were. It was not all perfect, I would change some things but for the first day it was ok.

The most powerful realization for me happened after everything was over, and I set down in my quiet room.  I knew then I actually would really, really, really love to do this for real. I can not wait next week. It was that good. I was so full of energy, I couldn't even sleep tonight. So many ideas, what else we can create together, how to reach more kids with love for creating and help them explore and grow their passion. And not just kids ...

I just need to hold that tiny little annoying voice of mine asking me too many questions, doubting it all, resisting the change under control.

This does feel right.                  

I should learn to trust my feelings, shouldn't I?

  

So ... what do I do? What is the best way to answer this question?

Well ...  I work at Telecommunication Company where I try to make communication between the company and customers better ... This was my short clumsy answer to the question, I never really knew how to answer. I dreaded it and just tried to get over it as soon as possible. Not good according to Scott Dinsmore from LYL.

 »Just because you work a sales job you can’t wait to leave doesn't mean you ever have to talk about it.« 

First of all, I do like what I do to certain extend, but if I truthfully think about it, I NEVER really felt, this is me. One little part of me yes, but am I genuinely excited about it? NO. If I would be excited about what I do at my job, I would probably not have a problem talking about it. This really was an eye opener for me.

Another Scott's thought that made me think was that I am not my job. I do not have to talk about it, I can answer to the question any other way I wish.

»Start  identifying yourself with who you want to be and the difference you want to make.« 

I see the difference in me when I am communicating something I am passionate about. I am energetic, positive, relaxed and sometimes even funny. My body becomes alive trying to back up the words. Eyes shine and I smile. I am happy. I am not looking for the escape sign.

»Treat every interaction as a micro experiment – an opportunity for discovery«

Maybe, next time the question »What do you do?« comes up, I could make an experiment and say something like:

I help people find, explore and enjoy creative side of them.

Or maybe a longer version?

I help people find, explore and enjoy creative side of them. I love creating; I love the feeling of inner peace it brings me. I love its power to slow everyday busy life and a new fresh perspective it brings. This is what I help others to experience.

What do you thing? If we met for the first time (we actually are), would you like to find out more about me, or would you look for the escape sign? ;)