I did it and I still feel so proud

Do you know that feeling just before you should say something before larger public? Breathing and pulse get faster. Heartbeat is so loud it is hard to hear anything else and everything gets a little fuzzier. You start to sweat. Legs are heavy and shaky. You constantly ask yourself – will I faint in front of everybody? The logic part of you is constantly insuring you that everything is ok, but the body just doesn't hear it, doesn't care.

I work in communications and growing fear of public speaking was holding me back. I knew that. When I was pushed to have a presentation in English in front of managers on international company level, I got pneumonia. I really think I got it just because this was my only way out. I could not do it. The stress and the pressure were too much.

Somebody once told me, if you have a fear of public speaking, go out and commit to do 20 of them. Are you serious?! No way! I cannot do that! I will not do that!

BUT I knew I have to do something. At that time there was a big story in the news. A journalist pretended to be a teenage girl on one of the forums and grown men were inviting “her” to meet, not telling her how old they were. TV cameras documented how they came to the meeting point.

Few of my friends have teenage daughters and I am quite close to some of them. I also specialize in web communication and I know how naive young really are regarding communication on web. At that moment I wanted to help somehow, make a change.

I contacted an organization that was already doing that and offered them to help with my knowledge and experience. I think they were really surprised because nobody volunteered to help them before. Never the less they found a way, how I could help. I could hold lectures to parents on primary and secondary schools.

I was scared. I was not sure if I will be able to do that, but something inside me really wanted to do it. I just tried not to think about the fact that I will eventually have to go in front of the parents. I just jumped and went with the flow. I got the best mentor ever and he went with me to the first lecture, just in case. And I didn’t faint. The lecture was not my best one, I can hardly remember half of it, but it was fine. I did it and even got a thank you letter next day from the school. I survived and even more importantly I enjoyed it. Who knew! When I think back, the fact that I had supportive mentor by my side, my safety net, made a huge difference. Because he really believed in me, there was no chance I could let him down.

Since then I had approximately 20 lectures on different schools. I even returned to some because they wanted me, not somebody else. I still have stage fright before each lecture, just few minutes at the beginning but it is not nearly as bad as it was. I actually enjoy lectures so much, they feel me with energy. This year I stopped temporary because with more time on my day job and growing need to help kids with school I just didn’t cope it any more. But I learned the most important thing. Not only, that I can do it, I am enjoying it so much. This is really something that I need to build my future on.

This was the fourth day of Scott Dinsmore Blog Challenge. With every day, I feel more alive and full of energy thinking and writing these challenges. It feels, that maybe, just maybe, I can reach for the star.